I’ve been struggling with a lot of icky dark thoughts that seem to plague me from time to time. When I’m in the midst of those thoughts, I can’t help but see the negative in everything. This is very contrary to my true nature. I would much rather only see the good and uplifting things.
The following may provide some insight as to what brought on this topic.
I am a natural born helper, cheerleader, gopher, assistant, to everyone I know. “Oh, you need something done? Let me drop everything and help.”
I cheer my family and friends to their goals. I’m there at the finish line. I’m there to celebrate their accomplishments.
I’m not looking for credit or commendation for doing these things, and I know that the people who matter know that I will be right there with them offering any assistance I can, to raise them up.
I’ve been this way my whole life, so I’m fairly certain that I hold some form of authority on the topic as far as how it has affected me. This overwhelming desire to help others succeed, though it comes from a genuine place, has been misinterpreted on more than one occasion. Intentions, however good, occasionally don’t reach the desired results. To put it bluntly, some people just want a free hand out.
This leads me to my moment of growth, and a lesson which I hope to improve upon:
It seems so simple; two letters. They’ve been difficult my whole adult life. So many times I couldn’t say no to because I was scared. I don’t even know of what. Things that I could have said no to that could have saved people’s relationships, future happiness’s. Times I could have stood up for myself. Times, I could have stood up for others who needed it.
Not using my voice; not saying “no” when it needs to be said, is one of my greatest faults.
Saying yes leads me down all sorts of paths in which my future depends on other people’s whims. It places me in uncomfortable positions I don’t want to be in.
But I can say no. As hard as it is, I can say no, I don’t want to be that person or work for them. I can say, no, you can’t treat me like that. No, you don’t get to say those things to or about me.
My natural inclination to please others often rebels at this idea, but in all honestly, I think she’ll thank me someday when I stop compromising who I am when I know that it’s best for me.